i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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