I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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