i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
