hell yes lets make some ravioli
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize