No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize