you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
