dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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