eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
