Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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