i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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