I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
