Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
