I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
