wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
