I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Jerry, you need to find god
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
