And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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