Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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