Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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