sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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