Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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