tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize