i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
