Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
