i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
