Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
