Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
