We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
