I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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