I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
