It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
