he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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