Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
