Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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