i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
