your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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