No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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