forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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