This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
