I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
