I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's like iHOP with fire
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
