My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
