if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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