omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
