I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
