I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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