'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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