How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
