i think my mom watched the whole time
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I did not marry a roomba.
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