imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
