Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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