I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
