he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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