I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
