Me too!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize