those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
