I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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