69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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