bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
