That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
40s are totally the cure
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
