Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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