He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
