a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
