Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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