If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
