I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
