yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize