It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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