You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
