I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
