If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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