420 ftw
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
