Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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