she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
