id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
